To be perfectly honest, I've been a worry-wart about running in general recently. Why? My runs have been going pretty well, I've been injury-free, so what's the jig? The truth is, a week or so ago, Beth emailed me to tell me she won't be doing Bayshore after all. Read her post from today. She illustrates why she's not running it in that post and links to the initial post where she discusses it. I absolutely, 100% support her and her decision, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't bummed. Moreover, it freaks me the heck out. A million thoughts swirled through my head when she told me. "What if I can't do this alone?" "What if I want to give up in the middle and there's no one there to push me?" "Maybe I can't do this, after all." Yes, I know it's silly to think I could only finish with the help of another person, but I never said I have rational thoughts. In fact, I know 99.9% of my thoughts are quite irrational. Another part of me felt a huge sigh of relief like, "Oh thank God, now I don't have to feel bad if I hold Beth back." or "Now I can just run at whatever pace feels best and throw time out the window." Though Beth was always completely on board with letting me do my own thing, I still wanted to run it WITH her and hope I could keep up.
Regardless, this is and always was my race. Even if I ran with her, it would be my legs running, not hers. I just keep telling myself that. Here's another thing that is helping quell my fears:
yes, yes, yes!
I'm still in early days of training, but I've done all my runs solo. If I have a running buddy, it's only for a few miles more or less. So how would be any different? It won't be.
While I was thinking of tackling this race on my own, I couldn't help but think maybe that's how it was supposed to be. Maybe it was supposed to feel more daunting, so that it feels more rewarding at the end. Maybe I need to do this on my own, on my own terms, to prove it to myself. That I did it every single step of the way. And then, I thought of success, and wouldn't you know it? I found a whole slew of things that helped me define success:
True. And if I don't give up, then I'll win my own personal race of finishing of a marathon.
I also think I needed this reminder:
It's not going to help me if I whine, or hope, or if it's easy. I just have to keep working at it.
and then I found this, and even if some of it doesn't relate to running, it's a good list for success in every aspect of life:
I love the last one. Mom, I better be making you proud ;)
I also love #19. This is me, being bold and courageous. I've already come so far, I need to finish this journey. On my own. I can do this and when I do, I'll look back and be glad I did. I'd be lying if I said I'm not scared, but then again, everything truly worth it in life is scary.
Be bold, be brave, go do whatever it is you think you can't do. I know you can.
PS - it's not too late to race tomorrow too. Go sign up for Life as Running Mom's virtual race.
PPS - were you hardcore this month? Send me pics, recaps, details at watchmegorun@gmail.com for operation hardcore fit! I'll post in my shoutouts on the first.
Let's talk,
-What helps you prepare for success? A certain quote/mantra/ritual?
-Is anyone else doing a leap year race tomorrow? If so, good luck!
-How's your week going? Anything exciting thus far?
-Anything else to share?
Megan
It must be so disappointing to know you won't be running Bayshore with Beth (even though her reasons are very valid). But you are exactly right when you said this is something to do on your own terms so you can know what true, personal success is. I almost wish I could go back and retrain for my first marathon. You learn so much about yourself. And at mile 25, you find out what you're really made of. It won't be easy, but you can do it. You're one of the strongest runners I know!!
ReplyDeleteI read a quote recently, "The minute you think if giving up – think of the reason you held on so long."
I'm running Life as Running Mom's virtual race tomorrow too! yay!
Thanks for the heads up on the virtual run, it sounds like fun and what a great day to run it!
ReplyDeleteI love this part right here: "everything truly worth it in life is scary"
ReplyDeletethat is such an awesomely true and powerful statement. I used to always (and I literally mean always) let my fears talk me out of doing or trying something. But not anymore. Sure, I'm not doing absolutely everything, but I've realized that if I ever want to accomplish any of this goals I have in mind, I have to embrace the fear and just do it.
Great post! :)
#1: Your fears are completely normal at this point! Running a marathon is scary. You have no idea how you'll get through it, wondering if you'll pass out or die by mile 21, thinking that there's no possible way you can do it alone. I'd venture that even the best, most elite athletes have similar fears, so don't beat yourself up over them.
ReplyDeleteWith that being said...
#2: You have to throw that out the window and just go for it! Like you said: be brave, be bold. Remember that even though you might be running solo, you'll have tons of people cheering you on from the Bayshore sidelines and from every where else: blog readers, Twitter fans, and people like me, at home on the couch, sending you mental pats on the back and high fives.
Don't forget that no matter how the race goes, you will have lapped every single person who's never run 26.2! And that's a crap ton of people (yes, that number of non-marathon runners is scientific fact - CRAP TON.)
Oh you are going to do so awesome! I know it!!! Part of what made my decision so much harder was because I was worried about letting you down and I just really, really wanted to run with you! Don't worry, you won't be alone - I'll be there cheering for you! We'll definitely get our chance to run another time :)
ReplyDeleteYou have to trust your training and you have to prepare your mind. A marathon is a big deal, but you are going to be so ready for it!
Good luck on your race!
By the way, thanks for your sweet comments and for understanding why I dropped out! Your support means a lot :)
ReplyDeleteSweetie, you will never be racing alone! We are all there with you in spirit.
ReplyDeleteGreat post though on success. I love the final list and there is so much truth in it.
Hey Meg! Just wanted to say THANK YOU for showing me the virtual run, which I just completed. I've got an 8K and a 10K coming up in the next couple of months and have been having the hardest time getting movtivated to start training....until I saw about the virtual run and now I'm back! LOVE your blog! :)
ReplyDelete~Tiffany
http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com
I would like to second, third, fourth everyone says. You've come so far and there's nothing to stop you. NOTHING! Even in the shortest of races, we find ourselves doubting our abilities. You just have to faith in the training. And you are already putting in great mileage and living up to your #OpHardcoreFit.
ReplyDeleteAnd on the success list, #19 is great but I think #5 is quite appropriate. Forgiveness of ourselves is so instrumental in training.