the catalyst that changed everything

Today is a big day in the history of Meg O.  It marks the catalyst that changed everything.   Sometimes it's hard to pinpoint the exact event that changes your life and though there were other events in the past and will be more in the future, this event stands out so markedly for my life as it is right now.   Two years ago on this day, I got my gall bladder out.   You can read more about what the heck a gall bladder does on my post from last year: Dear gall bladder, I don't miss you.  

So why was this event, the removing of an organ, so cataclysmic?   Good question.  Back then, I don't think I even knew the scope of it.  I don't think I knew the effect it would have on my life.  Prior to getting it removed, as stated in last year's post, I ate bad food all the time, never worked out, didn't take care of myself at all.  

The truth is, I was too stupid to even know what I was doing.  I assumed because I was young, I was invincible.  That because I was 'thin', I was healthy.   I was so deep inside a toxic relationship with myself that I couldn't even see that I was slowly killing myself from the inside out.  I wasn't taking care of myself mind, body, or soul and I was letting myself do it over and over again.

I didn't see the signs.  If I did, I was too blind to notice.   I was like one of those girls who makes excuses and say it will it change, but it never does.  I would take up working out, eating healthy, taking care of myself for a while.  Then, I'd get lazy or busy and all the bad things came rushing back.  All the good that I had done quickly came undone.   

Maybe because it wasn't a true 'bad' behavior - I wasn't doing drugs or partying all the time, it was less noticeable.  But, the effects were still detrimental.   You only get one body, so you better take care of it while you can.  After the surgery, I wish I could say I woke up and said, "I need to be healthy all the time!"  Unfortunately, it took more time than that.  It took effort.  It took me wanting to throw in the towel no less than a million times.   It was hard.  But, it was worth it.

finally, I wanted to earn my body.

I realized that if I was going to be 'thin', I needed it to mean something.  I wanted it to be supported by muscle, strong legs, and have a body that was healthy from the inside out.   Not for superficial purposes, not for some 'hot bod', but to know I was healthy.  That I was in a real relationship with my body.  That I loved it, took care of it, treated it well.  In return, it would do the same for me.  It would allow me to run a million races, lift more than 10 lbs at the gym, live with all my organs.   

So this year, two years post-surgery, I have a greater understanding for how much that surgery changed my life.  It saved my life.  Or at least it saved me from further destroying my body, from possibly making it worse, and who knows where I could have ended up.  For that, I'm grateful.  I needed that wake up call.  I needed to realize that no one could save me...but me.   

true, this was something only I could do.

Sometimes it takes something like losing an organ to truly open your eyes.  That day is a constant reminder that I never want to go back to that.  It makes me realize how much I have changed.  I work out, I eat better, and my outlook has changed.   The funny thing about toxic relationships is that they turn everything they touch into toxins.   It didn't just make me unhealthy.  It made me a pessimist.  I didn't believe in much.  I didn't have huge sweeping dreams.   So, with that lifestyle change, I brought on a whole new attitude.  I realized how lucky I am.  How lucky I am to be healthy and not to take it for granted.  When you realize that, it's so easy to see the good and the hope in everything else.   

One small surgery changed me into a runner, a believer, an optimist, and hopefully maybe even an inspiration for those who want to change but don't know how or can't stick with it.   I'm living proof that you can change it all.  You don't have to be the fastest or the strongest or even the best.  You just have to be the best version of yourself.   

because clearly the best version of me is one with a huge cheeseball grin whipping my hair as I dance ;)

So cheers to health, happiness, and leaving the past where it belongs.  In the past.  

PS - for those of you who were wondering, I DID get up both yesterday and today at 5am to run.  More on that tomorrow.

Questions for you:

-have you ever been in a toxic relationship?  With yourself or someone else? How'd you change it?

-have you ever had an organ removed?  Did it greatly effect your life?

-Share something happy with me!  Go on share!

-Any other early morning runners today?

Megan